CHAPTER 289: I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT

After hearing Seo-Jun’s words, my heart began to race. It thumped softly and yet hard at the same time. It was an unsettling yet familiar feeling.

When he asked me to trust him, he was prepared to trust me? Was that what he said, or was I imagining it all?

I looked at that proud grin on his lips. No, there’s no way I had imagined it. He definitely... He definitely said that.

"You’re ridiculous." I suddenly muttered but he did not get offended. It was as if nothing I did was enough to offend him.

He was quite amused whenever I made such attempts, if anything, because it was a side of me he was yet to be familiar with.

"Haha, how so?" He asked. "I’ve been called a lot of things but never ridiculous to my face."

"You can’t place both our trust on the same scale," I said and threw my gaze away. What was I even saying right now? It was as if I were openly undermining my own existence.

Yes, it was true that they were nearly gods when it came to the influence and power they held in the country and beyond, compared to a nobody like me, but I shouldn’t openly downgrade myself like that, right?

Maybe it was the norms that were getting to me. The usual actions of every common character in the face of the extraordinary.

His trust, that could determine the fate of his own life, should not be given out so lightly and yet he chose to give it to me once he had gotten mine.

Why was he being so careless with such dangerous things?

"What’s wrong?" He asked, stepping closer to me. "Should I not trust you? Is that it?"

"No, but..." What could I even say at this point? It’s too soon? I don’t want it? You’re too careless? I’m lost here and without a proper or valid reason, I doubt I’ll be found.

Seo-Jun looked at me, trying to figure out what I wanted with his fingers clipped on his chin and his other hand folded.

"Hm, is this your way of saying you want to go to the meeting with me?" He asked which I immediately rejected.

"Absolutely not!" I yelled and he laughed.

"Just as I thought. Then," he placed his hand on his hip. "What do you want, Jo-Pil?"

What do I want?

The ball and been passed to me. It was up to me to play however I wanted. If I wanted to score, pass it, or let it go.

But I can’t... I can’t really think right now. Is it the pressure?

The assistant and secretary weren’t giving any pressuring gaze and they weren’t acting impatient despite Seo-Jun squandering the first few minutes of the meeting away, trying to have his unimportant conversation with me.

Still, their eyes were on me. Especially Min-Jae’s strict gaze. It was as if he were urging me to hurry up.

I looked away and shook my head.

"I don’t know what I want," I said. "I’m sorry. Maybe I just wanted to throw a tantrum."

"Hm, but you’re not one to throw such tantrums, Jo-Pil." He said, acting like he knew me well but he was right. It was because I always went ahead with whatever they wanted and tried to be in their good grace.

"Am I... Not allowed to?" I asked, which took him aback and he laughed.

"Of course you can." He said. "You look cute when you’re vexed on a normal day, so seeing you throwing a tantrum adds a little soft light to you."

Huh? Was he crazy? Who looks cute when throwing tantrums?

I looked at him like he was a bastard with a loose screw in his head, and he laughed even more, reading my expression completely.

"Jo-Pil, I like you more when you’re honest like this." He said, shuffling my hair and ruining my nice hairdo. Is this revenge for ruining his first?

He was smiling. Quite nicely at that. And when I tried to fix my hair back, he had this glow on him. Something I don’t usually see.

He looked happy. Why? Was messing with me enough to make him have such a happy glow?

"Jo-Pil, you don’t have to worry about anything." He said and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I trust you, that’s the end of it. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can go fuck themselves in the ass." He said and laughed, heading for the door. "Hae-Jin will be here soon so just wait a while."

I watched him heading out, taking no more words from me and then I sighed.

He was gone and I was left here alone... With my thoughts.

Being framed for stealing company secrets wasn’t the only reason I wanted to avoid being here alone that badly, it was the fact that I had so much curiosity that would push me to snoop around that disturbed me.

My thoughts from earlier. The one that had to do with whether Seo-Jun had a hidden room where he kept his toys and a bed, as well as other equipment to have fun in the office, still bothered me.

I decided to ignore it and stay seated, but my eyes wouldn’t stop roaming the walls. What if it were a hidden door? I wondered.

Since it was a scientific place, it wouldn’t surprise me if the door actually blended in with the walls and needed some sort of code to get in.

Nothing like this was mentioned in the novel or rather, my last life. In the first place, I never came to Seo-Jun’s office and he most certainly never told me his secrets.

The only offices I had visited were Jin-Yeok’s and Ki-hoon’s. But even in Jin-Yeok’s, I only made it to the first floor and never went beyond that, due to that incident.

And as for Ki-hoon’s office, well, I made it past the first floor but never made it to his office due to ’that’ incident. Anyway, I can’t even remember what their companies look like, probably as a result of the butterfly effect or something from changing the initial plot.

I got up and walked towards Seo-Jun’s desk. I sat on his chair, wondering what the view looked like when he sat there. The view of the office was quite shallow and nothing to stare at for long, so I turned the chair around, and then the view from the outside caught my eye.

This view... It was definitely something that could clear a man’s mind when stressed.

’They sure live the good life.’ I thought and then rested my back completely. I was tired.

But more than that, I was curious.

I turned my head and found the door on the side. Ah, from where I sat, there didn’t seem to be a door there at all, but from this angle, I could see it.

The door had the same body as the walls so how did I know it was a door?

I stood up and approached it.

The corners of the door had a line, as if the wall had been cracked, making it known that this was not like the other walls. Maybe that was how I knew it was a door.

I got closer to it but then began to hesitate. What was I doing right now? Really? Was my curiosity to such an extent that I would start snooping like this?

And what happens when I open the door and I come across what I was worried about? What would I do then?

Would I get mad despite already knowing the outcome? Would I take it out on Seo-Jun?

I just... wanted to see but my actions could cause a lot of problems for someone like me who was in an unstable situation due to my incoming heat.

When was the darn thing going to come already? It was making me live with so much caution and I was scared I would end up doing or saying something I didn’t mean.

I got to the door and then pressed my hand on it. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t a door. If I lied to myself like that, would that make this confusing feeling of jealousy go away?

I know it would hurt me more to confirm my suspicion, and the wise choice would be to let it go and live in Oblivion, but... That task seemed harder than catching mosquitoes in the jungle.

’Phew.’ I took in a deep breath and let it out. ’Let’s just take one step back. And then one more step till I’m far away from this door. Whatever it holds, I don’t want it to hurt me.’

That was what I had concluded but my hand suddenly moved on its own. Maybe a quick peek, I thought. Maybe the room was for something else, I thought.

My curiosity at this point was dangerous and I was about to regret taking that quick pick when someone walked in and said,

"Now that’s something you shouldn’t do, young sir."

I turned around right away, startled.

Who was there?