CHAPTER 383: YOU WANTED A LETTER? HERE IT IS

I don’t know if they got what I was saying, but I wish they could understand me.

I love their care and company, but sometimes, it’s just too much out of the ordinary that I wish I had someone more down to earth to spend my days with.

And what do I do on days when they’re very busy? I’m alone with no one to eat with.

The maids may be here but it’s as if I’m all alone in this huge mansion. It also gets pretty lonely.

Even the books don’t keep me company anymore because I’ve grown accustomed to their noise, their rowdy and clingy personalities, and how they always know how to stir up a conversation.

So, even if I’m alone at night where I have to sleep in my big bed alone, I want to at least have someone to spend the day with.

Phew. I let out a little breath.

That feeling, I don’t know how to put it into words.

So instead of that... I looked at their faces trying to understand me even if I didn’t say anything more... I decided to express it as best as I could.

"Both of you, I’ll write you a letter," I said and started heading towards the stairs. "Just wait here for a bit. I’ll be back right away."

They both stood still, watching as I left for my room but then I paused and sighed,

"Miss Jie-Yu, I know you’re conscious," I said and she flinched. "I’ll be back soon so please just wait for me."

After saying that, I went up.

It was as if I had ordered her execution because I had put her between a fox and a wild puppy.

I arrived at my room and sat by my desk, picked up my pen, and started writing.

I wrote on the first page and then tore it out, copying the same on another page and then tore it as well.

I looked at the content and sighed.

Seo-Jun wanted me to write him a letter anyway. It wasn’t a love letter like he wanted but it was still a letter.

Even if I couldn’t express myself very well with words of my mouth, I’m sure they’ll get it once they read this letter.

I went back downstairs and found Jie-Yu practically shaking as she sat with her hands pressed on her tightly closed laps, her eyes on the floor, and her lips pursed.

In front of her were Seo-Jun and Min-Cheol, who were waiting for my return, but even if they didn’t say a word to her, with the way they were staring at her, she felt so much pressure that she could die.

"I’m back," I announced and they broke their strict gaze on her and turned to me.

This allowed her to finally breathe.

I walked over to them, holding the folded piece of paper like it was heavier than it really was. My palms were a little damp, but I didn’t let them see.

"Here," I said, handing his to him. "You wanted a letter? Well, this is it."

Seo-Jun raised a brow, his usual smirk tugging at his lips.

"Oh? Did you finally confess to all your dirty thoughts?"

"Don’t get ahead of yourself," I shot back, shoving it at him and went to sit next to Jie-Yu who was as stiff as a wood. I handed Min-Cheol his own letter as I walked past. "It’s not what you think."

I poured my sincerest thoughts into the letter because I didn’t know how else to express myself.

"Are they the same thing, Hyung?" Min-Cheol asked and I nodded.

I didn’t want them to fight for who gets to read it first, after all. They were that childish.

Unlike Seo-Jun who took a while to open his letter because he was trying to sniff out the content as if he were a dog, Min-Cheol’s eyes were already scrolling through his.

Jie-Yu sat even straighter, her eyes darting nervously as if she’d somehow be included in whatever was inside the letter.

She wouldn’t know, since she wasn’t given a letter but I smiled at her, assuring her that it had nothing to do with her.

What I wrote in the letter was... Simple.

The letter read:

Dear Master,

I understand the care and worry of my masters, and it’s probably reckless to let a stranger stay here, especially since it’s our own personal space, but...

I don’t really know how to say this out loud without making it sound pathetic, so I’m writing it down instead. I am good at writing after all.

I like having you both around, I like having all my masters around. Even when some of you get quite annoying, ahem, loud, or too much in your dealings, I’ve gotten used to it and I like your company a lot.

In the past, I think I would’ve loved the peace and quiet that your absence had, but I think I’ve gotten used to the noise, the teasing, and your constant presence, so that without it, the mansion feels too big. It feels empty and I feel lonely.

And at the same time, it’s... exhausting.

Sometimes I want to be with someone who’s not pulling at me, not teasing me for being cute and sexually appealing, not testing me to know what my dark feelings might be.

Just someone normal. Someone I can sit with quietly, eat with while sharing common topics, and not feel like I have to keep up. Not feel like they’re just going with whatever I say because they like me.

In that sense, being around my masters sometimes makes me feel so unnatural, even when you all put in your effort to make me comfortable.

And please don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate any of the teasing or the testing, I just feel I need a different audience to speak to.

Jie-Yu is not a replacement for either of you. And it’s not about money or favors or ’compensation.’ That can be tossed around, and then we go our separate ways.

It’s about wanting a friend. A real friend who can share interests with me, and end it at that. So Min-Cheol, don’t think I’m not your friend because I said it like that. I’m your friend and... I guess I can be your friend too, Seo-Jun. In name, that is. Go be friends with Min-Cheol.

So, if it seems like I’m putting too much effort into this, it’s because I don’t want to feel like a guest in my own life anymore. I don’t want to be completely alone when you’re busy. I don’t want to always be the one watching from the side. I don’t want to feel like the world I live in differs from yours so much that I end up getting cut off from the rest of the world just cause I’m trying to keep up with hours.

Ah, and I’m not complaining about the luxury. Keep it coming.

I’m simply staring a fact that I would like to feel normal and ordinary sometimes because, you guys feel a bit too extraordinary for me.

That’s all.

— Jo-Pil

My heartfelt thoughts written in ink and paper.