CHAPTER 369: NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE WAY I WANTED

[KOSTA]

Kosta hated the transition.

He hated what it had meant to be taken from the palace or the borders, and he knew that people would talk.

The barbarians who had never been bested, the man who always got what he wanted, were suddenly at the mercy of the crown prince, who didn’t even bother looking for him.

It was the cruelest thing that Kosta had ever had to deal with and honestly it drove him crazy how everyone expected him to act normal.

"He has been reduced to nothing really fast."

"And here we thought that he would be the next consort."

"Even with a mark on him, he is nothing."

"Claimed and abandoned."

The whispers always got louder in his presence, almost like they were ether to remind him of the one thing he would never have. The prettiest man he had ever set his eyes on. The man would never be able to spend even a minute with him so freely.

This was torture, but those who had condemned him to such a fate already knew that. They were aware of what this did to Kosta, of what this would do to Kosta, and yet even then, they never once bothered.

It was like this was what they had chosen, and come hell or high water, the decision had been made.

But this was hell;

The kind that Kosta wished he would be rid of—

...only that there was no running.

No escaping.

No freedom.

This was his prison, and his only crime had been to fall hopelessly in love with that which he had imagined to be his.

But now, he was just a man.

A man on the battlefield.

A man who had nothing that kept him sane, and maybe that’s why everyone saw right through him.

The broken consort who was once loved.

The man who had been gone to war for, the man who had been loved so fiercely and yet abandoned just as fiercely. It hurt and haunted as fuck, and Kosta wanted an end to it all.

But what other way was there for him?

’I miss you,’ Kosta had whispered each time he sat across the table led by his Erasthai, the man who still had his heart beating, and was hoping for the impossible.

He hated how cold Tamiko always looked, and how distant he always was, like what they had had never truly meant anything. Like they had just been a phase of rebellion for the young prince. Like the barbarian had just been a pastime for him.

But past times never bore the royal marks.

Past times never spent ruts with the prince.

Past times never got the kind of protection Kosta always got, despite the obvious fact that he was abandoned. And boy, did it hurt more than anything the man had ever had to deal with. It haunted everything in him.

’I will be fine,’ Kosta reassured himself, lying to himself as the whispers kept blooming around Kawai. It was the only way, now that he couldn’t even end his life because he wanted to see Tamiko bloom.

This was a different kind of pain, and perhaps the universe should have loved him differently. Ah, but it was a lot for Kosta to handle, especially on days when he went to the palace for the meetings.

It was horrible being there, and he despised the fact that he was a Lycan Chief.

But he had agreed to be the Lycan Chief.

Then again, he was given much of a choice, or had he? He hated how they waited for him in the palace, how they wanted to hear why he had been abandoned, and yet they didn’t even know half the shit he had gone through.

It was the hardest thing for Kosta, having to stand on the sidelines as rumors spread and Tamiko did nothing to quench the fire. If anything, the prince acted like the Lycan Chief didn’t mean shit to him.

He carried himself with honor and grace like a prince was supposed to, and on some days, Kosta wondered if this was why Yilena had truly wanted him for Tamiko.

The prince was blooming, and he...

Kosta was fading.

Drowning in his work.

Leaving for bounties more often, like an unmated Lycan.

He was thorough, but everyone who had known him before Tamiko saw the change. Igor was crueler, harsher, and didn’t give a shit about the faction rules. He murdered their enemies without even questioning them.

It was almost like he was throwing tantrums, and yet even those were never enough for the prince to seek him out. He was losing his mind with the way shit was.

The silence from Grealor was the worst for Igor.

He had waited for them to attack him, especially now that the news of the estrangement with the prince had spread and yet none of their enemies had come to Kosta to try and use him against Tamiko.

It is almost like Kosta wasn’t worth the hassle, and that hit hard.

And Kosta hated that too, he heard that everyone around him, and suddenly got clever enough to not try and use the omega in the kingdom for their desires of power. Even Sanji and his Furfantes had stepped back.

But Kosta knew that a storm was brewing.

He could delay how hard the change had been and he knew what it was just a matter of time because the storm hit the theme and he didn’t even know where that would have him standing, north he honestly cared about shit right now anyway.

He hated what life had been made for him, but then he had no other option.

"Sulking again, Konstantin? You know, I thought you would do better than all of this. You didn’t even try to fight him for both of you. You just really are pathetic, Lycan Chief, Igor," Sanji mocked one evening in the tenth year after the separation.

He had seen the way that Igor had changed drastically. To the warriors he was just a pissed off Lycan who couldn’t mate with another even after the cold prince had announced that Igor was free to mate anyone who wanted him.

It was the ultimate test of his patience back then, and Kosta had spent the nights mourning the love that they had had. The love that had taken root in them long before they both knew what love was.

He had mourned their bond and for years he stayed in denial. Hell, even now as Sanji mocked him, Igor still held onto the hope that his mark would fade. The mark that Tamiko had left on him.

The Lycan chief never took a moment to stare at it because, as much as Igor wanted to be certain about his relationship with Tamiko, the prince had let him loose. That also meant that Tamiko was free to mate with another.

And yet ten years had passed and the mark still lay there, pulsing occasionally as if to remind Kosta of the one love that he had never been able to completely have. He had been weak for the bond and yet even then he had tried to appear strong.

Then again with the omega heat that held both their scents locked, Igor had nothing left to hold onto.

"Well, lucky for you, Sanjiro... you are right. I am pathetic..."