CHAPTER 370: EVERY CORNER OF THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED

[KOSTA]

"Well, lucky for you, Sanjiro... you are right. I am pathetic. I’m still pining over a man who will never want me. A man who has so many choices now. There are females in the palace who seek to entertain him.

"Maids who throw themselves at his feet for the fittest approval. I see them and their desire for him, and yet here I am, still whining about something that I should have long wanted to let go. So, it’s alright, Sanji. I am pathetic.

"I miss him more than anything, and yet he won’t let me. One closer to him. Then again, I am a Lycan chief. What use would I be to the crown prince if not on the battlefield, right?" Kosta asked painfully.

The reality he had been forced to live had become a horror that scared the hell out of him to this day. His life had stopped having meaning since the day Tamiko had sought out Yilena Sidorova, and Kosta hated himself for it. ’

Perhaps that was also why he never stepped back into the kingdom for long. He had only ever reported to the palace conference too for briefings, and when they were done, Kosta made sure to leave instantly.

If Tamiko didn’t want him, there was no point in his lingering. After all, life was always shit, and there are no reasons for Kosta to stop hope.

Except that Kosta didn’t let go.

He didn’t want to.

He couldn’t.

Tamiko was his lifeline and nothing would change that. Not whatever the elders in their lives were playing at. Not the hurt that had lingered for so long and not even the ache that threatened to burst Kosta’s unhealed heart into thousands of pieces.

He was broken by the prince, and yet to his day, Igor Konstantin was still waiting.

He knew it was pointless after ten years, but he couldn’t lose hope. He had come so far with Tamiko to let shit get fucked over, and so when the traitor reminded him of how pathetic he was, Igor didn’t fight.

There was nothing for him to fight.

There was nothing to gain after fighting anyway.

At the end of the day, he would still be alone. Without Tamiko. Without the beautiful lavender scent that had always driven him crazy. His Erasthai didn’t want him, and that was the one thing the Kosta didn’t know what to do with.

"Your lavender farm is beautiful," Sanji pointed out, unsure of what he was supposed to say to Kosta.

The years hadn’t been kind to the prince consort, and there’s no denying the way that he had lost weight, and he looked like the wind could simply blow him away. And yet even in that state, most had remained the most feared barbarian in the realm.

People no longer saw him as an omega who had been to the palace to warm the prince’s bed, no. They saw him as a calculating barbarian who could burn the world down if he wanted to, and there wouldn’t be a person to stop him.

The realm was careful of Igor, but maybe because they feared him almost as much as they feared the Lycan king, but never as much as they were horrified by the Lycan prince. Tamiko had become the devil, but he was Igor’s devil.

And the Lycan Chief couldn’t have had it any other way. Perhaps that was why it was so easy to see him as a lost cause. A warrior who had nothing to hold onto. A man who was devoid of any emotions, which was strange as he had expressed his first emotion here, right in front of the traitor to the kingdom.

"It’s not mine," Kosta denied, like the entire military camp hadn’t seen him cultivate the lavenders and protect the ones it sells over the last ten years. The lavenders were his only reminder of what Tamiko smelled like.

And yet at the same time, they were a reminder of how easy it had been for the Lycan prince to discard him. It wasn’t easy, and Kosta would never forget that pain, but he tried to try and live through it. It was the only way this time.

"Do I assume you won’t fight for what’s yours?" Sanji asked, and Kosta scoffed.

What was his?

Did he even have anything anymore?

Kosta was hollow and had nothing to hold onto.

He didn’t believe in anything other than murder.

But even those kills never gave him the satisfaction that came with going home to Tamiko, especially when it had been ten years since he hadn’t been able to truly go home. He missed home but then home didn’t want him.

The message had been so clear, so right now, Kosta didn’t know if he had anything to his name. Even the clothes on his back weren’t his. They were the scraps for the warrior collection, pieces that had been worked on over so many years.

Igor had the magic to conjure himself good clothes like every Kawai Lycan and yet he never once used that power after he had been abandoned by Tamiko. He didn’t have someone to look good for.

He didn’t have someone to himself up to. He had orders and orders. Orders that didn’t care what Kosta wore on his back because, regardless of how he went onto the battlefield, he would never get hurt.

That was one of the perks of being the Lycan prince’s Erasthai. But what use was that protection when it was All just loneliness and shit? Oh, Kosta was miserable, and it was Tamiko’s fault this time.

After years of thinking of what could have been done, Igor had decided to dive into hate. Because hating Tamiko was the only way he could live. It was the only way he could keep waking up.

If he didn’t resent Tamiko for making that choice, then he would have nothing. Just a farm filled with a sadness that reminded him that love was never to be trusted. Fuck it hurt so bad.

"Go away, Sanjiro. Leave me alone," Kosta whined in defeat.

He didn’t even have the strength to fight anymore.

The only thing he wanted was to sleep, sleep, and sleep because this was one of the few days he didn’t have to go to the battlefield and murder people in the name of the kingdom to please the man he loved more than he loved himself.

The man he hated with the same intensity, to the point that it was almost drowning him. But even they didn’t seem to matter to Kosta because without Tamiko, life wasn’t worth living. He had long known that, too.

"Yilena is back at it again," Sanji said.

Kosta just laughed humorlessly at the harsh reality that once again stared at him with all the sorrows he could muster.

It was like life had decided to make a fool of him and everyone he cared about or everyone he thought cared about him and his unfortunate bond to Tamiko was just watching as the madness unfolded.

It was betrayal at its peak, but what the fuck was Igor supposed to do? How the hell was he supposed to fight for something or even someone who would never want him?

"Good for her, who knows, maybe this year, Tamiko will choose someone to spend his rut with..."