CHAPTER 371: AND I KNOW YOU SAID THAT WE’RE NOT TALKIN’

[KOSTA]

Yilena had changed so much for him, but Igor never cared about it. The damage had already been done, and there wasn’t much that could be done about it. After all, this war was what she always tried to do, right?

His guardian was set again, that was what Sanji had come to tell him. His guardian, the one who had given him such an intense punishment, was once again lining up women for the prince of Kawai.

Women who were prettier than any omega could possibly have been.

Women who were rejected year in, year out by the prince.

Women who were so down for Tamiko and who wanted to be as low as a doormat for the mighty prince of Kawai.

Yilena had been doing this for six years now, and clearly this was the seventh time. But like every time, Kosta didn’t see a need to fight. If Tamiko wanted him, he knew where he was.

If Tamiko needed him, he could come to the border lines and see Kosta for his dm. If Tamiko really loved him, he would fight and get a post. But year in and year out, Tamiko never came.

He never said a word to Kosta that wasn’t related to Kawai’s politics. The handsome prince had changed so much but that was alright. Because he needed to change. Sitting the crown was a hard job and Kosta didn’t even blame him.

After all, they were no longer in love, right? Oh, but that was the worst pain for Kosta. It was the kind of pain that would never leave. A nightmare that never went away because that was all that was left of the life that Kosta cherished and despised.

"Good for her, who knows, maybe this year, Tamiko will choose someone to spend his rut with," Kosta sighed in defeat.

That was all he ever was lately.

A broken man.

A man ripped apart; not by the endless wars he had gone to and or returned from, but by the loss of something that had meant everything to him.

It was the cruelest possible way to get into this side of life, but he had tried to adapt; slowly but surely, only that he never really did adapt to Tamiko’s absence. He had remained a shell of his former self, through and through.

And that was the hardest bit of it all. To stand there, clinging to the shards of a past that didn’t want him. A past that haunted his present and a past that despised him or than he had ever despised himself.

It broke his heart a thousand and one times, but that would never compare to the grief of never having to interact intimately with what he had loved the most. Maybe he was weak;

But even if he was, what the fuck was he supposed to do about it, when Tamiko didn’t want him anymore?

"It’s been ten years, Igor. You have seen how much he has grown, and how every head turns when he walks the palace," Sanji reasoned, trying to remind Igor of what had once been there.

It was a faint attempt at a normal that was different from love but Kosta didn’t want to rekindle shit. He didn’t want to keep hoping, but at the same time, it was the idea of hope that kept him moving.

The Lycan chief was a lot of things, and it wasn’t even understandable at that point. Then again, there had never been complaints about his work. If anything, he had gotten to be the best of all the Lycan chiefs that fate had given Kawai.

He was so damn good at his job that it hurt to even think that he was serving the same nation that had betrayed him but maybe he wasn’t doing it for Tamiko this time.

Maybe he was doing it for Sahina, his sister, the woman who had sworn her life to protect the kingdom. The woman who had been on silent missions and Kosta had long known about it.

Maybe that was why he was holding on, because perhaps if he protected the land his sister loved so much, maybe he would be able to find peace. But what was peace when each day was like a stab in his heart?

What was peace when life had refused him the one thing he desired the most?

All of this was so fucked up it was heartbreaking, but Kosta understood it all.

He didn’t matter.

Not anymore.

Maybe once upon a time, when the prince was twenty-five years old and twenty-six, he had mattered. But the man had grown, just like Sanji had said.

Ten years was an eternity that needed to be embraced, but Kosta–oh Kosta – he didn’t quite know where to begin.

He was lost.

And perhaps this was the only fate for him, right?

"Everyone with eyes can see him and his developments, Sanji. Let them throw themselves at him, maybe he will find the worthy Erasthai that he needed so badly," Igor said as he got up, not ready to face the shits of his past.

Tamiko still haunted him, and he was still desperate. But he had to eventually let go, but what would happen then? There were so many questions, most of which Igor had come to understand would never change what happened to him.

The choice between the past and the present lingered so beautifully and hauntingly, but Igor had to rise or let himself drown.

Then again, what use was any of that anyway??

He was a weapon for Kawai, a machine that had been praised in the hallways, and the king knew of that, too. But what of his heart? Would it ever matter, even just once, or was this the kind of hell that no one ever really got to prepare him for?

Perhaps he really was hell’s favorite customer, no?

"Are you sure?" Sanji asked, and Igor nodded absentmindedly. He needed to sleep. His nightmares were honestly better and kinder than the reality he was living in at the moment. And he didn’t have the strength to wake up in his normal hell again.

Perhaps just this once, right?

Then again, there was a storm and so much at stake. And Tamiko was right in the middle of it. In Kosta’s dreams, Tamiko was everything, and even as Kosta walked away, he would still be intoxicated by that lavender-scented man back at the palace of Kawai.

He wasn’t wrong to desire that which was supposed to be his, right...even in his dreams. He would dare to dream and be happy, or hollow, or whatever the fuck was left in him now.

After all, Tamiko was everything.

But Tamiko had left and never once looked back at him.

"You can still get him back, Igor," Sanji said and that got Igor laughing sadly. What was there for him to get? The man who had been so close yet so far from him for ten whole years? That was a lot of time.

Tamiko had stolen ten years from him and there was nothing that would ever make that okay. Nothing would ever make life any better for Kosta because at the end of the day, Tamiko had left.

"I am just a Lycan chief, Sanji. An omega Lycan chief," Kosta said before he walked back to his shelter.