CHAPTER 372: I DON’T WANNA GO, THINK I’LL MAKE IT WORSE

[KOSTA]

"I am just a Lycan chief, Sanji. An omega Lycan chief," Kosta said before he walked back to his shelter. He didn’t want to have hope, because there truly was nothing for him to hope for.

Tamiko was never going to look at him, but then the footsteps behind Kosta agitated him. He didn’t even need to look or sniff to know that Sanjiro was following him, again; he didn’t know what had come over the man, but this was unusual even for him.

Maybe Sanji was finally getting a conscience, though Kosta was intelligent enough to know that with Sanjiro, life was never black and white. The man was the renowned traitor for fucks sake.

He had no reason to hang around the Lycan Chief, who could easily take him out. It was like a dream; a pipe dream, nonetheless.

"I might not kill you, but I have a thousand and one ways to inflict pain on you, Sanjiro. Leave me be," Kosta insisted, his warning so clear.

Yet Sanjiro didn’t mind. It was like this was the first time he was seeing the Lycan Chief, and he was seeing a broken man, one who didn’t have anything to live for other than Kawai.

But that alone was never enough to make the heart heal. Serving the nation that he loved was just one side of the coin, and he had to have known that, too. This right here was madness and if they weren’t careful, shit would never blow over.

"So, what... you’re going to keep wallowing here for eternity while Tamiko gets to choose someone else? You’re going to let him do what he wants just because you love him so much that you don’t even know what to do with the love?" Sanji asked.

Kosta scoffed at that simple truth. It was what he had been doing for ten years, and while the first ten years had already proven hectic, maybe with time, the next years would be kinder to him.

Maybe they wouldn’t have to involve him having to embrace a side of life that didn’t mean shit to him. Maybe loneliness was the one thing that he had been cursed with.

Perhaps that was why it had been the best decision to send him over to the boarders because fuck everything else, Igor would have lost his shit if he had to work and spend his night in the same place as Tamiko.

He would have been killed already because that was the kind of torture that Igor never wanted to face. He had been away from Tamiko, and now he did what any hopeful person might think.

But that was what Sanji was selling him this time.

Hope.

Pure, unfiltered hope.

And that was the most dangerous thing ever.

It was like an addiction that he wouldn’t get out of if he gave in to it, because once he started hoping, he would be disappointed on even worse scales. With the way that Tamiko had changed, Kosta didn’t have the strength to deal with such emotional turmoil.

That was why it would be easy to ruin him, to fuck him over, to make sure shit never went right. Kosta was a strong Lycan warrior, but he wasn’t a strong enough omega. He was just a soul who had been abandoned.

An omega without his heats for ten years.

An omega who had been on suppressants for so long that he almost forgot what he smelled like. But even though all of that, he knew what Tamiko smelled like, and he wanted to hold onto it so badly.

Maybe that was the only explanation for the lavender farm outside, not that it would ever get better for him.

"Yup. That is exactly what I am going to be doing there, while I wait for something to get me out of my misery. Perhaps, it will end in a few years when Tamiko mates with another, and I won’t have to deal with the emptiness anymore.

"You should count yourself lucky that you didn’t have a mate, because if you did, then this would all make sense to you. Though I doubt you would want a mate when you’re going to die for betraying Kawai anyway," Kosta said, adding the last bit with a disappointed scoff.

Anyone could almost think that he was bothered by the fact that Sanji would be dead any day. Maybe it was because, for years alone on this side of the realm, away from Akila and the other barbarians, Sanji had been the one who stayed with him.

Igor had pushed everyone away and yet Sanjiro, the traitor, hadn’t let himself be pushed away. Of course, Igor knew that this was probably one of the plans for the Furfantes to get an upper hand on Kosta, but frankly, Kosta didn’t care anymore.

He didn’t mind being used as bait to whatever the fuck was here or whatever was coming. He didn’t mind. Besides, there was nothing that could be worse than what he had already experienced and was still going through.

Tamiko had abandoned him, and life had stopped having meaning. Honestly, if Kosta could, he would stand in front of the swords and weapons. However, he knew that even if he stood there, he would only be screwing other people’s lives.

He was protected by a spell that Tamiko had cast, so he couldn’t die.

Over the years, he had strangely noticed that anyone who had ever managed to get to Kosta or even managed to throw an arrow at Kosta had always vanished, only to be found dead a few days later.

Everyone knew it wasn’t Kosta who did the killings.

They were personalized attacks, which was interesting seeing as there was only ever one person who would be offended if ever Kosta was attacked. And it was the same person who didn’t want to be with Kosta.

Oh, how life was fucked up.

"You’re a beautiful omega, Konstantin," Sanji said.

Igor stilled.

It had been years since anyone had reminded him of who he was. Of course, Igor never once forgot about it, but the talks about the royal omega had dwindled in the first month of his estrangement with Tamiko.

No one ever talked about the Kawai Omega anymore, so this was a surprise, even for Kosta. It was something he didn’t care about anyway, but still, it had him wondering what angle Sanji was aiming for.

"So that’s why you have been lingering around for ten years? Because I am suddenly a beautiful omega? Want a taste of the omega who hasn’t had his heart for ten years? Want to see for yourself what Tamiko had and tell everyone about it?

"Is that why you are here?" Kosta asked amusedly, his anger showing but slowly fading.

Tamiko had a chance to start over with anyone who wanted. And for a split second, just a moment there, Kosta wondered if Tamiko would finally come to see him, if he knew that Kosta was binding himself to the traitor of the kingdom.

Maybe that would make Tamiko angry enough to come over and kill Kosta himself along with Sanji, right?

"You know that’s not—" Sanji began, trying to make sense of whatever this was.

"It’s okay. Let’s do it," Kosta said defiantly, surprising not only Sanji by himself.

"What?"

"Court me, Sanjiro. I am a free omega now, am I not?"